I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
