return my video game
look no pants
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
