4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
