He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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