definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
