Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
