Where did you get a picture of my penis
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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