I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
