I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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