my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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