Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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