My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize