He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
