Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
