My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
