Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
