God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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