Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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