genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
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