i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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