It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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