i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
