She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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