she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
