the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Jerry, you need to find god
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
