Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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