I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
