it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
