i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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