My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
