break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Pooping to opera.
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