so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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