we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize