Who wears a wallet chain?!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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