I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
