So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
