dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
