I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
