He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
