hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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