And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
