You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
