you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
