If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
