do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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