do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
no you cant smoke seaweed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
