If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
