I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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