it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
