We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
