Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
BRING THE BAGELS
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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