he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
