I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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