grandma shit on top of the toilet
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
