Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
