i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Even my vagina gasped.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
