When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
