Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
