What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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