we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
