I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
