Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
