But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize