You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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