Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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