Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Acid is not a monday night drug
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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