You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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