I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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