My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
