I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Someone came in the potted fern
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
