found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
