Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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