have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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