we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
as a side note pls kill me
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
