it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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